I just don't ever want to lose you
by 1katiemariee
Summary: *Prize for charimer-HM-bluesky* What will you do if you made a wrong step and you have not chosen your destiny? Is there any chance to fix this? What will you do if someone takes away the most important thing in your life? "You came back to look for me." "I just don't ever want to lose you." Based on a YT video by Padackles4ever91. Merlin/Arthur. AU.


_Prize for charimer-HM-bluesky._

_This fic is based of a video on YouTube called "I just don't ever want to lose you || Merlin/Arthur (for FeeMechante) [AU]" and it is by Padackles4ever91. I recommend you watch that video first._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin and the video this is based on._

* * *

"But what can we do to stop Arthur?!" Agravaine asked the pale, dark haired woman across from him.

"Merlin." The woman said suddenly, standing up.

Agravaine looked at her confused, what had Merlin got to do with anything? "Merlin? The servant boy? What can he do?"

Dark hair and pale skin walked in front of Agravaine, tilting her head to look him in the eye. "Arthur's strangely fond of the boy." She said, simply before starting to turn away. "He could prove useful. Very useful indeed."

Once she was gone, Agravaine gulped. He may have been a grown man but she was a sorceress with immense power... Morgana Pendragon could make even the strongest men fall to their knees.

* * *

"Guinevere, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Merlin's heart split in two at those words. It was no secret to himself that he was in love with Arthur, even though he knew it could never be, him being just a mere servant and Arthur being the king. Actually, he should've been happy he'd chosen someone like Gwen to be Queen, she was a kind, considerate and had a mature head on her shoulders, all the makings of a great co-ruler, but he couldn't. Not when the person he loved the most in the world was in love with someone else.

Not wanting to face anyone, he ran from where he was stood secretly listening into the room, making his way back to the room. Tears fell freely down his face as images of what he witnessed ran through his head.

_Arthur putting the ring on Gwen's finger. Arthur and Gwen hugging and smiling once it had all been done. _

He laid on his bed, curling into a foetal position on his side. A weight on the edge of the bed alerted him to Gaius' presence in the room then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I do understand how you must be feeling."

Merlin wasn't surprised at this, he'd always had an idea the old physician knew that his feelings for the King ran deeper, but he still shook the hand off and turned away. "You could never understand."

* * *

Merlin crawled out of his bed the next morning, dreading going to work. He didn't know how he was going to cope with seeing Arthur and talking to him without giving away what he felt. Hiding the fact that his and Gwen's engagement gave him feelings other than just happiness for his friend's.

Somehow, he managed to get himself to get dressed, collect Arthur's breakfast and getting to his chamber's without bolting back to his room. He got his destination to see that the King was already up and sat at his desk, looking out of the window from his chair. Merlin cleared his throat to announce his appearance.

"I have your breakfast" He managed to say, walking over to the table and placing it on the surface. Arthur just waved a hand at him.

"Thank you. You're dismissed."

Merlin shot a confused look at the elder man, wondering what was wrong with him. Arthur continued to ignore the manservant and look outside, his breakfast still left untouched. The raven-haired boy just left the chambers.

Arthur's mood continued for the next week until Merlin couldn't take it anymore. One morning when he was doing his usual routine, he confronted the King. "Arthur, what is going on?!"

"Nothing, I'm fine." This continued but after a short while, Merlin couldn't take it anymore.

"Arthur, this isn't like you!" He snapped and Arthur turned his head around, sharply, his eyes cold.

"Who are you to tell me what I'm usually like, _Mer_lin?!" Arthur growled, getting up and walking over to where he was stood, dangerously slow, backing Merlin into the wall.

"I see you everyday, Arthur. You're my friend, I kn-"

"That's all I am to you, isn't it? A friend?" He leaned closer, his nose brushing against the soft skin of the other man's neck.

"Wha-? Arthur?" Merlin tried pushing to older man away, knowing he would regret whatever he was going to do once he'd done it, but failing. "Arthur!"

It was the panicked shout which knocked Arthur out of his trance and he stepped back, disgusted with himself over what he had started to do. He rubbed his face with his hands, trying to calm himself down. Through his fingers, he saw Merlin leant against the wall, panting for breath and his heart rate sped up, not able to fathom what he did.

"Get out." He whispered, walking over to the other side of the room and leaning against his chair, tears prickling in the corner of his eyes.

"What?"

"Get out!"

* * *

Soldiers. There were soldiers everywhere, led by Agravaine. All of them looking for one person: _Merlin_. The man himself had his mother by her arm, dragging her around the corner of a small building and behind a stack of hay where three small children were huddled together.

"Stay here and don't move until someone comes and finds you." Merlin ordered, Hunith nodded in reply, comforting the younger children.

"Be careful."

The warlock couldn't believe what was happening. _Was it really only five days ago he left Camelot? _In that time, he'd said goodbye to Gaius, his mentor and friend for all the time he was there, took the long trek back to Ealdor and saw his mother again.

* * *

_Merlin pulled away from Gaius and the pair shared a look which held everything they couldn't say to each other. The young man smiled softly and secured his bag._

_"Goodbye, Gaius." _

_"Goodbye, Merlin. Send word when you get there." Merlin nodded and headed to the door but faulted on his way out. _

_"Oh, and one last thing." He turned around, tears glinting in his eyes._

_"Yes?"_

_"Thank you... For everything."_

_xxxxx_

_It had been three days since he left Camelot and he'd only just reached Ealdor. Sometimes his mind kept wandering to Arthur, how he was doing. Did he miss him? Had he got a new manservant? Was he happy with Gwen? Merlin shook the thoughts out of his head as he entered Ealdor and looked around for his mother._

_"Merlin!" He turned around to see his mother, Hunith, running towards him then he was enveloped in two familiar arms. _

_"Hello mother. I came home." He mumbled into her shoulder, a small smile on his face._

* * *

All that felt like a lifetime ago as he walked into the centre of the small village where Agravaine and his soldiers were terrorising villagers and creating chaos. Women and children were huddled in houses, hiding anywhere they could find.

"Ah, Merlin. Just the person we were looking for." Agravaine sneered, a smirk on his face. Merlin walked up to him.

"Agra-" He never got a chance to finish his greeting when a soldier came up behind him, whacking him around the head with the handle of his sword.

* * *

Arthur paced in his chambers. _Was he dead? If he did things differently would he have stayed? _When the doors opened, his head snapped up to see Leon and Agravaine in the doorway. The king tried to give his emotions away but he couldn't help but have a hopeful look in his eyes, the hope went once Leon shook his head.

"Sire, there is no sign of Merlin." Leon announced and Arthur turned away, choking back a sob which threatened to escape his lips. He heard footsteps and then felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I am sorry you have lost such a loyal an-" Agravaine stopped when Arthur held his hand up to silence him, tears starting to fill his eyes. He sat down in the chair at the table, looking out of the window. _This is how he was when he last saw Merlin._

"Leave me. I'd like you to leave now." Arthur ordered, when the tears started threatening to spill down his face. One they'd left, the King rested his elbows on the table and buried his face into his hands as he cried. Sobs echoed around the room, finally letting out all the pent up emotions he'd built up since he first found out Merlin had gone missing.

Suddenly, something snapped in Arthur and he shot up, wiping the tears off his face. He couldn't just sit there and wallow in his own self-pity. Not when Merlin was still out there somewhere, possibly being tortured or held hostage. So he grabbed his armour and dressed himself before going down to the main hall where the knights were sat with Gaius and Gwen.

Arthur pointed at Percival, Gwaine, Elyan, Leon and Agravaine. "You five, prepare to leave for the forest in a hour. We're going to find Merlin."

"Yes, sire." The respective knights mumbled, rushing out of the room to prepare. Arthur then quickly sped out of the room to prepare himself, Gwen hot on his heels.

"Arthur, you shouldn't do this." She tried to advise while chasing after him. "You know, I'm as worried about Merlin as you are, bu-"

"You're not going to change my mind. " Arthur butted in, rushing down the steps to reach the stables, his mind focused solely on one thing. Finding Merlin.

"Who knows if the mercenaries have even left the forest?" She tried again and Arthur sighed, turning around to face her.

"I have to go." Gwen placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled softly at him.

"At least let me come with you." Arthur sighed, knowing that this was the only was she'd leave him alone and let him go. He nodded, receiving a hug in reply. The King brushed it off quickly and started rushing back over to the stables.

"Just hurry up!"

* * *

"Arthur, we can't find him. It's getting dark we must be going back now."

"Just a little longer." Arthur persisted. They had been searching for hours and the sun was beginning to disappear behind the hills on Camelot's border, which were just visible through the gaps in the trees. The six people searching with Arthur were getting tired and restless after all this time, not any closer to finding the dark-haired man.

"Please, Arthur. I know you wan-" Gwen was cut off by Arthur bending down and raising a hand to quieten her. Between his gloved fingers was a ring which the King was staring at with such intensity, no one wanted to interrupt him.

"This is Merlin's. I know it is." Arthur said, finally, turning around to face them.

Gwen walked over, worry showing on her face as she tentatively approached him. "How can you be so sure? It could be any-" She was cut off by Arthur for the second time.

"Because I... Because I gave it him." A small smile appeared on his face as he remembered the time so clearly. They had just held Lancelot's funeral, and Arthur was at Merlin's chambers to check if he was alright after the Dorocha attack. While there, he gave him the ring so if anything happened to either of them, the other would know how much they cared as he also had one the same. He remembered Merlin being reluctant to take such a sentimental gift but after some persuasion, he took it.

_"Arthur, I can't..." _

_"Just... take it." _

Nearby the bushes rustled, knocking Arthur out of his reverie. Drawing their swords, Arthur and the knights edged forward to the bush, ready for whatever came out. Who came out, however, shocked them. Merlin, wet and covered in mud, immerged from the bushes and grin came on Arthur's face as he saw who it was.

"Merlin!"

Rushing forward, Arthur grabbed Merlin by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug, his sword laid forgotten on the forest floor by his side. Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur's waist and buried his head on the older man's shoulders, both people forgetting the others which were stood behind them.

"I thought you hated me."

"I could never hate you, Merlin. Ever."

* * *

The next day Merlin went to Arthur's chambers, after stopping at Camelot for the night before. Taking a deep breath to stele himself, he knocked on the door to the chambers and after hearing a faint 'enter' from the other side of the door, walked in to see Arthur stood looking out of the window.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I guess we have got some explaining to do. Sit, Merlin." Arthur gestured to on of the chairs at the desk, sitting himself down in the other one. Merlin walked over and sat down. The duo looked at each other until Merlin looked down and broke the silence.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you do what you did? The day before I left?"

"I don't know." Arthur rest a hand on Merlin's knee, causing the younger man to look at him again. "I guess I couldn't take you thinking I just wanted to be your friend."

"What?" Merlin asked, shocked. _Did he love him back? What about Gwen?_

"I... I... I love you, Merlin. I can't believe it took you almost being lost forever for me to realise that I should have told you, instead of telling to get out." Merlin shook his head in disbelief, what about Gwen?

"And Gwen?"

"Was a cover up." Arthur explained. "I do care for her a great deal and love her, just never like that. I couldn't." Merlin stayed quiet. "Please Merlin..."

"I love you too, Arthur." Merlin whispered, his face lighting up in a grin. "I love you too, you dollop head." Knowing he loved him back, Arthur put his hand on the back of Merlin's head, pulling his lips to his own in a kiss. They melted into it, Arthur pulling Merlin over onto his lap, to get them closer. Hands snaked around Merlin's waist and Merlin's found their way into Arthur's hair, tugging on the blonde locks and eliciting a moan from the older man.

"What happened to you while you were gone?" Arthur asked once they'd pulled away, resting the foreheads against one anothers.

"Morgana." Arthur's arms tightened around Merlin's waist, one word chilling him to the core. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." He knew that if he was forced to tell him everything, Agravaine's part in it all would be revealed, causing controversy throughout the castle which he didn't want.

Luckily, Arthur didn't press for information, simply nodding and pressing a kiss to his hairline. Merlin rested his head on Arthur's shoulder, a smirk coming onto his face when he realised something.

"You came back to look for me."

"I just don't ever want to lose you."

* * *

_A/N: So I hope you liked it! I worked so hard on this, I've wanted to write this forever and I finally got the push to do it. _

_Charimerbluesky/Charimer-HM-bluesky and Padackles4ever91- I hope you both liked this! I hope I did the video justice and you enjoyed your prize!_

_Don't forget to review. -Katie x_


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